I despise calling tech support, or any company for anything, mainly because of those stupid automated greeters. My favorite? Why it's the one currently in place by Windstream's DSL helpline. I only call that number because my dsl, and thusly, my internet, isn't working. So what useful advice does the machine give me? Why, it gives me a website to go to instead. Gee. Why didn't I think of that?
Ever want to throw a machine through a window? Happens to me a lot.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, March 12, 2007
Secretaries
Before you go any farther, let me say that I LOVE secretaries. Especially any that have to put up with me.
BUT, on occasion, you meet a really stupid one. Let me elaborate...
I have fairly bad mutant death virus from space. For the last couple of days, very few sounds that have emitted from me have sounded human. So, I called to make an appointment with a doctor, which is another prospect I just love. But I digress.
Here's roughly the conversation:
Stupid Secretary: Hello, how can I help you?
Me: (translated from death-warmed-over) I'd like to make an appointment.
Stupid Secretary: (sounding suspicious, and in her defense, I did sound like a prank) Yeah.... and what's your birth date?
Me: 1-25-81
Stupid Secretary: Oh, ok then. Haha....
Ha ha, she says. I guess I passed their crack security questionaire. Kinda brings to mind the airline security questions, "Has someone you don't know packed your bag for you?" Keep in mind, my voice is barely recognizable as human.
Stupid Secretary: And what would you be seeing us for?
Stunned silence as the question hangs.
Me: Well, I don't always talk like this.
Stupid Secretary: Oh, of course. Ha ha! How's tomorrow?
Me: Fine.
Click.
I can't wait for this check-up. Thank God she's not a nurse. Or is she?
BUT, on occasion, you meet a really stupid one. Let me elaborate...
I have fairly bad mutant death virus from space. For the last couple of days, very few sounds that have emitted from me have sounded human. So, I called to make an appointment with a doctor, which is another prospect I just love. But I digress.
Here's roughly the conversation:
Stupid Secretary: Hello, how can I help you?
Me: (translated from death-warmed-over) I'd like to make an appointment.
Stupid Secretary: (sounding suspicious, and in her defense, I did sound like a prank) Yeah.... and what's your birth date?
Me: 1-25-81
Stupid Secretary: Oh, ok then. Haha....
Ha ha, she says. I guess I passed their crack security questionaire. Kinda brings to mind the airline security questions, "Has someone you don't know packed your bag for you?" Keep in mind, my voice is barely recognizable as human.
Stupid Secretary: And what would you be seeing us for?
Stunned silence as the question hangs.
Me: Well, I don't always talk like this.
Stupid Secretary: Oh, of course. Ha ha! How's tomorrow?
Me: Fine.
Click.
I can't wait for this check-up. Thank God she's not a nurse. Or is she?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Cats
I love my cat. I want to state that first of all. This cat was given to me by a parent of one of my students. It was named by a little girl, and since it responds to the name, I continue to call her the ever-so-manly name of: Itsy.
I should have known about this cat by the way she was offered to me. The previous owner had heard me saying that I wouldn't mind having a house cat, something I had never had before. In her own words, "This cat is perfect for you. It's insane." Gee, thanks. At least I made an impression. The same impression as their cat. I'm glad I made a difference in a life.
So now I have an insane cat. Oh, sure. She can be be affectionate and loving. There are times I'll wake up and find her fast asleep (one step away from comatose) on my chest. Or, when I'm talking on the phone, and hence not giving her enough attention, she will, ever so lovingly, claw-climb up my body to my chest, and with all four paws still drawing blood, begin purring and rubbing her head on my chest.
I won't comment on her attack moments, because all cats will, for no reason, decide to try to kill you. The only thing I think is weird is that she really and truly despises my feet and decides at least three times a night that they must die. Also, she has been known, at 3 a.m., to think my hand has converted to terrorist and that it must be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Oh, the wake-up calls I've had.
This particular pet, also has some crazy times. I know all cats like to run around the house for no reason. But my cat has style. She will run, back arched and look of horror on her face, through the entire house at full speed for a non-stop continuum of terror for upwards of twenty minutes. When I say, through the entire house, I'm not exaggerating. She will run through the closet, into the bathtub, over the toilet, across the top of both couches, the tops of all the chairs, across the table and counter, through each bedroom, around the utility room, and repeat twenty to forty more times. Several times a day. It's no wonder she looks emaciated. She eats more than me, but looks like a third-world adoption kid from TV. Crazy does consume the calories.
And even though she is insane, we do get along. We have an understanding: She gives me stories, makes me laugh, and the occasional warm, fuzzy moment, and I continue to give her fuel for her rampages.
We're a sentimental household, we are.
I should have known about this cat by the way she was offered to me. The previous owner had heard me saying that I wouldn't mind having a house cat, something I had never had before. In her own words, "This cat is perfect for you. It's insane." Gee, thanks. At least I made an impression. The same impression as their cat. I'm glad I made a difference in a life.
So now I have an insane cat. Oh, sure. She can be be affectionate and loving. There are times I'll wake up and find her fast asleep (one step away from comatose) on my chest. Or, when I'm talking on the phone, and hence not giving her enough attention, she will, ever so lovingly, claw-climb up my body to my chest, and with all four paws still drawing blood, begin purring and rubbing her head on my chest.
I won't comment on her attack moments, because all cats will, for no reason, decide to try to kill you. The only thing I think is weird is that she really and truly despises my feet and decides at least three times a night that they must die. Also, she has been known, at 3 a.m., to think my hand has converted to terrorist and that it must be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Oh, the wake-up calls I've had.
This particular pet, also has some crazy times. I know all cats like to run around the house for no reason. But my cat has style. She will run, back arched and look of horror on her face, through the entire house at full speed for a non-stop continuum of terror for upwards of twenty minutes. When I say, through the entire house, I'm not exaggerating. She will run through the closet, into the bathtub, over the toilet, across the top of both couches, the tops of all the chairs, across the table and counter, through each bedroom, around the utility room, and repeat twenty to forty more times. Several times a day. It's no wonder she looks emaciated. She eats more than me, but looks like a third-world adoption kid from TV. Crazy does consume the calories.
And even though she is insane, we do get along. We have an understanding: She gives me stories, makes me laugh, and the occasional warm, fuzzy moment, and I continue to give her fuel for her rampages.
We're a sentimental household, we are.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Meetings
You will hear me complain a lot about meetings on here. I hate meetings. I doubt I have ever been to a useful one. Usually, it's just an outlet for a higher-up to talk with an audience. For instance:
Today we had a three hour meeting to go over performance data. So, they gave us the data, in both chart and graph format. Two months ago, and a new copy today. Keep this in mind. The first thing we had to do, was to recreate the data charts onto a blank duplicate page. I'm serious. No changes, no analysis. Just rewriting the numbers in the blank charts.
Then, we had to graph the data. It was easy, since we could trace the one they gave us. I asked if I could redo it on excel and use it's graphing function. No, I was told, we had to color.
As it turns out, we couldn't finish our graphs because our boss couldn't find all of his papers, so the data we didn't have beforehand, we still didn't have.
See? This is a meeting in my world. It's no wonder I'm usually suicidal or homicidal, depending on my boredom levels. The only redeeming quality to the meeting was that they gave us all the free Mt. Dew we could drink. And since I'm the fastest, my boss kept yelling, "Somebody bring him another pop." to the women around us.
At almost every meeting, I usually wind up on top of my chair doing jumping jacks, which my boss has learned, it's time to go before I get to the next level of hyperactivity: throwing things.
Today we had a three hour meeting to go over performance data. So, they gave us the data, in both chart and graph format. Two months ago, and a new copy today. Keep this in mind. The first thing we had to do, was to recreate the data charts onto a blank duplicate page. I'm serious. No changes, no analysis. Just rewriting the numbers in the blank charts.
Then, we had to graph the data. It was easy, since we could trace the one they gave us. I asked if I could redo it on excel and use it's graphing function. No, I was told, we had to color.
As it turns out, we couldn't finish our graphs because our boss couldn't find all of his papers, so the data we didn't have beforehand, we still didn't have.
See? This is a meeting in my world. It's no wonder I'm usually suicidal or homicidal, depending on my boredom levels. The only redeeming quality to the meeting was that they gave us all the free Mt. Dew we could drink. And since I'm the fastest, my boss kept yelling, "Somebody bring him another pop." to the women around us.
At almost every meeting, I usually wind up on top of my chair doing jumping jacks, which my boss has learned, it's time to go before I get to the next level of hyperactivity: throwing things.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Triplicate
I love having one conversation three times in a row. Usually my family likes to make me retell whatever story I'm telling them several times so that they can check for inconsistencies, and because they know it annoys me. At work, sometimes the people I work with are kind of slow at gathering new data. This morning, someone came in and asked if any of us would stay late on October 26, which falls on a Thursday (She mentioned the day, it's not an afterthought. This is important.). She asked, and I said that I would because I already had to stay late for something else. That's the first time I had this conversation.
When she left, one of my colleagues leaned over and asks, "What day is the 26th on?" I explained that it would be a Thursday. Her next question was, "How do you know it's a Thursday?" So I explained that she had just told us. That's the second time.
Approximately three minutes later, my other colleague leans over and asks, "What day did she want us to stay after?" So once again, I explained that it was 10-26, and that she didn't want us all to stay, that I had volunteered. Her next question, get ready for it, was, "What day is the 26th on?" Keep in mind that she was listening to both conversations before. So once more, I explained that she had just mentioned all this. And, as expected, her next question was, "How do you know that's a Thursday?"
I think the world is out to get me. I could forget about it if this was an isolated incident, but it's not. Probably half of the conversations I have, I have to repeat AT LEAST once, usually more. There's no possible explanation that I should have to have every conversation in my life three times. The only reason is that the world, collectively, thinks I'm such an idiot that I need to be reminded of what I just said several times for it to sink in.
If that's the case, then I think it should be at least fair and I should get paid two or three times a month as opposed to once. That's the only part of my life that happens once, and that's enough. Blah.
When she left, one of my colleagues leaned over and asks, "What day is the 26th on?" I explained that it would be a Thursday. Her next question was, "How do you know it's a Thursday?" So I explained that she had just told us. That's the second time.
Approximately three minutes later, my other colleague leans over and asks, "What day did she want us to stay after?" So once again, I explained that it was 10-26, and that she didn't want us all to stay, that I had volunteered. Her next question, get ready for it, was, "What day is the 26th on?" Keep in mind that she was listening to both conversations before. So once more, I explained that she had just mentioned all this. And, as expected, her next question was, "How do you know that's a Thursday?"
I think the world is out to get me. I could forget about it if this was an isolated incident, but it's not. Probably half of the conversations I have, I have to repeat AT LEAST once, usually more. There's no possible explanation that I should have to have every conversation in my life three times. The only reason is that the world, collectively, thinks I'm such an idiot that I need to be reminded of what I just said several times for it to sink in.
If that's the case, then I think it should be at least fair and I should get paid two or three times a month as opposed to once. That's the only part of my life that happens once, and that's enough. Blah.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Salutations
Greetings!
I work in the public and find myself often in the company of stupidity. Stupidity, as you know, regularly takes the form of people with big mouth and/or butts. In order to avoid an aneurysm, I have found that an outlet helps. Therefore, this blog will become part of my health care. If something dumb happens, I'll have to report it on here. Of course, I see so much stupidity in a day that I'd never get it all written down here. Only the shiniest turds of anti-intelligence will be remembered on this page. I hope to update fairly often, so please feel free to check often.
I work in the public and find myself often in the company of stupidity. Stupidity, as you know, regularly takes the form of people with big mouth and/or butts. In order to avoid an aneurysm, I have found that an outlet helps. Therefore, this blog will become part of my health care. If something dumb happens, I'll have to report it on here. Of course, I see so much stupidity in a day that I'd never get it all written down here. Only the shiniest turds of anti-intelligence will be remembered on this page. I hope to update fairly often, so please feel free to check often.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)